Just to be clear, I totally celebrated national coffee day by brewing pumpkin spice coffee in my french press before work this morning.

And while we’re doing this full disclosure nonsense, I should admit that I skipped my workout today. For no real reason other than the fact that I didn’t want to do it. I’d be lying if I said that I didn’t feel less than 100% pathetic. I’m disappointed and mad at myself. I’m better than this. And I deserve to treat myself better than this.

I spent a long time reading through my archive tonight. I find the me that lived 2011 to be highly, highly motivating. And it’s fucking cool to be able to be motivated by yourself. I want to make 2011 Liz proud of 2014 Liz. And top do that, I’ve got my work cut out of me.

There’s some things I’ve come up with as being necessary for forward progress include…

  • stop berating myself for being a work in progress
  • get over the fact that ‘starting over’ means having to accomplish things for a second time (it’s way less fun seeing the scale go down to numbers you’ve seen before… and i’ve got about 60 numbers to pass until I’m in new territory again)
  • eating well. counting calories. avoiding junk.
  • stop ditching workouts
  • wholeheartedly believing in myself

One less than stellar day does not knock the train off the tracks. Tomorrow is yet another fresh start and opportunity to kick ass.

What a beautiful, beautiful day.

Sitting outside for my lunch hour. Sun is shining on me. Slight breeze. Healhy lunch. The only thing that could make it better would have been if I remembered headphones.

Starting week 2 of c25k tonight.

Feeling quite lackluster about blogging lately.

Relaxing.

Crosswords. Journaling via lists. Crosswords. Love It Or List It. Oh and baking a bazillion pans of dinner rolls.

Went for a run tonight. I have been avoiding it since my faiked run earlier this week (totally in my own head…. ). Was a bit shaky at first but I pushed through and actually ignored the run/walk signals and ran way more than the lady in my ear told me too. It felt so good to be proud of myself. So good to finish strong.

Right now I want a snack so bad. But that’s it, I want it. I’m not hungry whatsoever. Just want the snack. This is where most of my struggle is. Wanting food vs needing food. I’m settling for drinking a bunch of water because I’m feeling like my year for food is really just thirst.

Really excited for this weekend….funeral tomorrow (not excited) then I’m off to Buffalo to hang out with my college roommies. And then watching Bills on Sunday. Man, I love fall football sundays.

Relaxing.

Crosswords. Journaling via lists. Crosswords. Love It Or List It. Oh and baking a bazillion pans of dinner rolls.

Went for a run tonight. I have been avoiding it since my faiked run earlier this week (totally in my own head…. ). Was a bit shaky at first but I pushed through and actually ignored the run/walk signals and ran way more than the lady in my ear told me too. It felt so good to be proud of myself. So good to finish strong.

Right now I want a snack so bad. But that’s it, I want it. I’m not hungry whatsoever. Just want the snack. This is where most of my struggle is. Wanting food vs needing food. I’m settling for drinking a bunch of water because I’m feeling like my year for food is really just thirst.

Really excited for this weekend….funeral tomorrow (not excited) then I’m off to Buffalo to hang out with my college roommies. And then watching Bills on Sunday. Man, I love fall football sundays.

 1. You completely identify with Ingrid Michaelson’s Keep Breathing lyrics, “I want to change the world instead I sleep.” You want to change the world and you feel passionate about it and get fired up and start working on your next project.

2. But then, you know, naps happen. And sleeping and reading, and you don’t want to get everyone around you worked up and raged to support your latest great idea. (Even though it really is great and you’ll work on it tomorrow, probably.)

3. You get super offended by something and rage to yourself for a good, solid five minutes, talking to yourself and pretending like you’re about to do something really crazy to change the situation

4. And the next moment, you start laughing cause you’re like, “Wow, this isn’t even a big deal at all.”

5. When you feel extremely passionate about something, you try to stifle what is about to be a blow-out argument by saying, “Let’s agree to disagree.” And then you try to find the best way to remove yourself from the situation.

6. Whenever people (especially couples) are yelling in public, you get really turned-off and can’t wait to be as far away from them as possible.

7. At the same time, you always feel real compassion for the public-fighting couple and you just want to whisper to them “Hey, guys, chill.”

8. Sometimes people think you have some kind of personality disorder because one moment you’re just chilling, laughing with a beer, and the next, you’re in some deep pensive zone of some sort.

9. Your favorite phrases are, “I don’t care” and “It’s not a big deal.”

10. But as soon as you do care and it is a big deal, you can get real snappy if what you’re saying isn’t taken into consideration.

11. Most times, a Friday night in with pizza and a bad movie sounds just as good as partying till 5 in the morning. You are equal opportunity that way.

12. You just don’t understand nitpicky people in general. Like, why fight over inconsequential things?

13. But then you get caught nitpicking about the very few things you’re really obsessed with and your laid-back demeanor comes crashing down.

14. You tend to let yourself get messy for a few days then you snap, lose your cool, and go on cleaning rages for 5 hours until you feel sane again.

15.  If you don’t understand something, you will work on it fanatically until you get it, even at the cost of sleep. (But you will never admit this to anyone.)

16. You tend to get borderline obsessive crushes on people – romantic and otherwise. But in their presence, you act respectfully detached so you don’t scare them away.

17. You almost always order food according to the dietary needs of the other person you’re with.

18. But when you feel a craving for a certain type of food, you will search miles and go to places at 11:30 at night to satisfy the craving.

19. It takes you about 20 minutes to get ready most times but if you don’t like your outfit, you lose all grip on reality, start cursing, and wonder if you really even want to go out anymore.

20. You always have your nonchalant face on whenever you’re getting criticized. But when you get a moment alone, you play the criticisms over and over again in your head.

21. You’re not a lover or a fighter. But when push comes to shove, you’ll fight for what you love. But only when push comes to shove.

I’ve been saying for months that I’m going to start counting calories again. I even downloaded my fitness pal back onto my phone. Put it on the front screen so I’d have to look at it everyday and use it. If anyone out there is in anyway similar to me — it’s really easy to ignore an app. Just pretend you don’t see it. It’s easy to say you are going to do something. “Tomorrow” is always an excuse.

Until today. During my “lunch” break (which is really dinner) I fired up that app and put in all my eats for the day. And you know what? It felt fucking good. It feels great to be more cognizant of where you are at in a day. It forces me to make better choices.

I can fully guarantee if I didn’t track eats today I most certainly would have nabbed two of those slices of pizza in the box on the table when I got home from work at 9:30pm.

Tracking eats reminds me that I’ve had enough food. I’m nourished. Isn’t that the point in eating? Yes. Yes it is. I need to remember that always. Forever&Always.

1 day down. Many to go. Let’s get this habit going.

thanks for the headache, yoga.

that was just down right rude. sheesh.

i’m not normally one to take pain killers.

but the pain in my neck and the yoga-induced headache i somehow found myself in front of the medicine cabinet looking for relief.

and then i remembered tucked away was a little bottle left over from the surgeries i had last year.

and now i have no pain, am very sleepy, and feel the warm fuzzies.

it’s time to call it a night.

hugs.

tuesday.

what a mighty fine tuesday it was.

ate good.

drank water.

was in a pretty good mood.

and then i got home and tried to go for a run and it just didn’t work. everything hurt. so i just chilled out instead of internally berating myself and walked. and you know what? the world didn’t end.

sometimes being kind to yourself is the most important thing you’ll do all day.

and now?

it’s time for some yoga.

How I got over you, in 6 steps.

1.) Wrote down all of the negative things that happened during our time together.
2.) Ceased all contact. No facebook stalking, no phone calls, no texting, no drunk texting.
3.) Avoided that playlist I made of all the songs which reminded me of you. Avoided sappy music. Okay, if I’m honest…avoided all music.
4.) Packed away all rememberences of you. The hilarious children’s book you read to me as I drove to the movies. The tickets from Dave and Busters we won the first time I slept over. The paper box we made at work. All of it is safely hidden away, set aside to collect dust with the memories of you.
5.) Reminded myself everyday that I’m not in the business of settling for less than I want. That I want more than you gave me. That I’m worth more. That I am much more than you appreciated and gave me credit for.
6.) Time. Waited it out and weathered the storm until it gave way to blue skies.

I’ll tell you what I do want. I want someone who will be monogamous, and nice to his mother. And I want someone who likes musicals but knows to just shut his mouth when I’m watching Lost. And I want someone who thinks being really into cars is lame and strip clubs are gross. I want someone who will actually empty the dishwasher instead of just taking forks out as needed, like I do. I want someone with clean hands and feet and beefy forearms like a damn Disney prince. And I want him to genuinely like me, even when I’m old. And that’s what I want.